"The Fire Within" - Book Study reflections

Wow, what a powerful gift this book is; I was originally going to 'Flipgrid' or tweet my responses, but I have way too much to say! I am really appreciative that so many people have bravely contributed their personal journeys of adversity and opened up a discussion on the impact their trauma or difficult experiences have had on their professional lives.

I'm actually posting this on my personal blog rather than my teaching blog because it feels like it gives me room to be more authentic with my responses without 'oversharing' with people who aren't in that same space.

As a trauma survivor, many things resonated with me from the first few chapters. I love the silver lining analogy; our stories and life experiences shape who we are, and if we can find our way through the hardships then there is so much we can give to others.

Mandy, thank you for your incredible courage in sharing your story and the powerful ways you have transformed your pain into something beautiful. I absolutely love the quote chosen to open Chapter Two, "It's okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get up, you rise as the whole damn fire," - Colette Werden. You certainly have risen!

Short version of my story (may trigger): My parents were separated when I was quite young, which was probably my "saving grace." We spent most weekends with my father and he was violent, controlling and cruel. Some of my earliest memories are of sexual abuse and I was raped repeatedly between the ages of 8-12. I went to many different schools, but it was always a place of refuge and safety for me. We had a little more space to "just be kids" at my mother's house, but we lived in poverty and she was inconsistent and unstable. At best she was "absorbed in her own world" and at worst she was lashing out or in the midst of another breakdown. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder when I was in my early 20's, which helped me to understand a lot. My first boyfriend was a younger version of my childhood abusers, and after I ended the relationship he arranged for his friends to help him gang rape me. I was 17.

So that's kind of my WHY. It's how I came to be who I am today and why I am driven to working with children and families living with adverse circumstances. As teachers, relationships are at the heart of what we do and we are in a really unique position of being able to inspire and empower our students. Who better to connect and respond, to love and to teach our at-risk kids than those who have lived through that experience and truly "get it"?

Like Mandy, I was also compliant at school and went under the radar by doing whatever my teachers required of me and achieving above expectations. I'm very lucky to work in a school that is trauma-informed, but I always feel compelled to point out that our at-risk students are not always so obvious. 

This artwork was drawn by a student living with trauma.
I think this is the lived experience of many children (and adults!).

Many children living with trauma compartmentalize their experiences as part of their survival, and I believe that is part of how I functioned and managed to get where I am today. It also has the impact of not being completely "seen" or appearing to be more competent or capable than one actually feels. That's something that has followed me into adulthood and I could really relate to Mandy's reflection that "nearly every time someone finds out about my past, they ask how I turned out so normal. I always laugh... normal is relative. I play normal very well, especially on the surface." I think that one of the powerful things about this book is that you're opening up the doors for connection and authenticity: We can still be professional while reflecting and sharing the human side.