The 'Gifted' Realisation

I used to roll my eyes when people would comment that my daughter might be gifted. My token response was, "She's a lot of fun and a lot of work, but gifted would be a completely different ball game!"  Why was I so quick to dismiss this idea? To start with she was so young when the comments started coming in, and it felt like it was way too early to make that kind of call. Plus, to be completely honest, I didn't believe that the people making those comments were really qualified to make them. The 'gifted' word was thrown around like a kind of compliment, and while it was nice to have it confirmed that my daughter was a bright little button it certainly didn't mean that she was anywhere near gifted.

Toddlers are generally headstrong and determined little people by nature, so I still had no idea what I was in for when my daughter declared at 18 months old: "I'm not a baby anymore, I'm a big girl!"

But headstrong and determined she continued to be. I couldn't drive anywhere without a little voice from the backseat telling me she wouldn't have gone that way, wouldn't it have been quicker to turn right? There were constant questions about the road rules, whether I was following the speed limit, what would happen if this happened or that happened... My husband and I affectionately referred to her as our personal navigation system, who needs a GPS when you have a living, breathing map? Before she was 3, I started wondering whether she was remembering the street signs or actually reading. I figured that like me, she just had a very visual memory.

At home I found her elaborate imaginative play scenarios quite fascinating, but it was also a constant source of exhaustion and sometimes frustration that she would completely trash the place in the process. She rarely used things for the purpose they were intended (still doesn't!). I'm not sure why I bothered to buy doll beds and blankets when my super quirky and creative child would much prefer to improvise with a xylophone and magazines!

Perhaps we're running a baby shelter

I've always been amused by her quick wit. When she was 2.5, she was singing the alphabet to her great-grandmother. Her great-grandmother told her that she knew how to sing it backwards. Without skipping a beat my daughter responded, "Well, I know how to do it properly."

I began to see some perfectionism; everything needed to be 'just right' and she'd experience frustration if she couldn't draw pictures exactly the way she saw them in her head or if she couldn't "remember where to put everything" when trying to recreate a train track or block town she'd previously made weeks ago.

She's always had a flair for drama. My husband had a dose of man-flu shortly after our son was born, my daughter was adamant that we needed to move to a new house and leave my husband behind. She didn't want to get sick, she didn't want "her baby" to be sick and surely I could see that I was being unreasonable exposing them both to germs. She's also always been very sensitive and unusually aware of others and how they might be feeling.  We got through that particular battle by appealing to her caring, compassionate side: "Well, I wonder how Daddy would feel if his entire family left him behind? What could we do instead?"

Everything is felt so deeply and intensely. We had (and still have) the usual tantrums and some epic meltdowns. Those moments help to remind me that she's still so little to be feeling so much. Then there's all the sensory issues. The sheets "don't feel right," clothes tags are "too scratchy," "lights are too bright," certain sounds are "annoying" or "too loud". It was clear that she was sensitive to sensory issues and I began to realise that maybe there was something more to this. All of the things she was complaining about were things I have always been bothered by, but it took seeing it in my daughter to recognise that what she felt... what I felt... was more than what some other people experience.

She's now 4 and sometimes it's still hard to figure out exactly how much she knows. Although she's articulate and inquisitive, she also tends to conceal a lot of the things she's capable of. She has definitely taught herself to read, but it really took so long for me to know for sure. Sometimes she still pretends she has no idea and other times she will capably read small chapter books that she's never had prior exposure to. I figure that her behaviour serves a function so although I try to gently encourage her, I also tend to follow her lead. We haven't had her formally tested yet, but I don't need a test to tell me that she has a different way of thinking and perceiving the world. Right now we're just trying to enjoy the ride!

"The gifted child is average with gifts. Not superior with faults." - Annemarie Roeper